Someone Took The Cork Out Of Her Lunch…

I  love introducing you to the best authors and Vikki is one of them. She is also very funny!

About the Author

Author Vikki Claffin

Vikki Claflin is an award-winning humor writer and blogger, public speaker, and former newspaper columnist who lives in Hood River, Oregon. Her celebrated humor blog Laugh Lines shares the hilarious ups and down of midlife.

She believes that laughter, a good glass of wine, and an econo-sized box of Milk Duds are the path to true Zen. Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck’s Writer’s Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 “Voices of the Year” Humor award. Vikki recently released her new book Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living and Laughing with Parkinson’s, selected for’s Editor’s Favorite Books of 2014. It chronicles her hilarious and sometimes poignant journey living with Parkinson’s disease.

About the book

Author Vikki Claffin Cover

Are you a woman who has ever looked in the mirror and thought, “How did my mother get in my bathroom?” Have you gone through years of night sweats and seismic mood swings, leaving you with a metabolism that forces you to choose between wine and carbs (so you haven’t had a bagel in eight years)? Did you wake up one morning in someone else’s body? Then you will love this book. If you ever made a regrettable hairstyle choice, finally conceded that thongs make you look like a Weeble in dental floss, or wished your Hubs would learn that grabbing your boobs every time you walk past him with a load of laundry is not foreplay, then you will love this book.
Who Left the Cork out of My Lunch? is chock-full of funny, informative how-to lists, hilarious advice columns, and sharp personal anecdotes that cover subjects from menopause (are we done yet?), empty nest syndrome (sob!), and grandchildren (yay!), to sex (better after fifty), marriage (he said what?), age-appropriate fashion (what does that mean?), cosmetic intervention (to Botox or not to Botox?), diet fails (#972), beauty tips from Mom (still true), and confidence (fabulous after fifty).

Author Interview

Where did you grow up?

Hood River, OR.

Did you grow up in a home that promoted reading or writing?

Yes. We were all readers. My family had extensive book collections in almost every room. My mother used to have me look up one new word a day and use it in a sentence. And we didn’t have Google. We had dictionaries. To this day, I love books and I love learning new words. Especially if they’re fun to say, like “erubescent,” meaning “blushing.”

Do you have any pre-blog or book writing rituals?

Absolutely. Before I write in the morning, I feed the dog, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, make the beds, scrub the bathroom grout, alphabetize my soup cans, clean out the refrigerator, and offer to walk the neighbor’s dog. Anything that will keep me busy, busy, busy, so I don’t have to write. The voices in my head every morning clamor that I don’t have anything original to say and my funny has left the building. When I’ve stalled as long as I can, I force myself to sit down in front of my computer and stumble through the first 20 minutes, generally writing total crap. At that point, my writing Zen kicks in like endorphins on a treadmill and says “Oh, yeah. This is what I want to say. This is fun,” Then the typing fingers start flying for the next several hours and I’m having a blast. It’s pretty much like that every morning.

Do you have a dedicated writing space?

Yes. I have a small, private home office. During my first year of writing, Hubs would pop his head at random to ask things like “Do you want to go to Walmart with me?” Nooo! Every writer knows that sometimes your most brilliant ideas or perfect word choices are extremely fleeting, and if you get interrupted before you can get them on paper, they will instantly vaporize. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t get them back. Hubs and I have agreed that when the door is open, he’s free to chat away at will. If the door is closed, unless there’s uncontrollable bleeding involved or the house is on fire and I need to crawl out through the window right now, do. not. knock.

Do you have a day job?

I did, until recently. Hubs and I are taking a leap of faith this year (to be fair, his leap larger is than mine, because now he’s the sole breadwinner), so I can focus on my writing and my new book. It’s extremely difficult to successfully market a book after a full work day and on weekends. I know people who have done it, and I’m in awe of their energy and dedication. Let’s just say it’s difficult for me. But I’m old.

Is there a third book in you?

Absolutely. I think humans are inherently creative, and we want to be heard. Whether we sing, paint, dance, build, write, or whatever, we all have unique forms of self-expression. A way to connect with other people.

For a writer, a book involves months or years of taking thoughts bouncing around inside your head while in the shower or driving to work, and turning them into something your grandchildren can read someday after your premature and tragic demise at 92. It tells your story after we’re gone and becomes part of your legacy. Even if the only people that ever actually buy a copy are your mother and your dentist.

What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink?

I’m a Diet Coke girl. I know I shouldn’t be, but I view it as cold, carbonated coffee. People say it will probably kill me someday. Then again, maybe I’ll live forever because my insides are embalmed.

Do you have a current guilty TV pleasure?

I’m currently watching Dance Academy, about a group of teenage students at a premier ballet school in Australia. The story line is full of youthful angst and drama, but it’s perfectly cast and the dancing is breathtaking. I’m dazzled by the flexibility, strength, and body control of these young human Gumbys. They’re so bendy. The series is coming to an end, and I feel like I’m experiencing empty nest syndrome. I’m going to miss these kids. Is that too pathetic?

Dance Academy cast shot: (top row, l-r) Kat Karamakov (Alicia Banit), Ethan Karamakov (Tim Pocock), (Bottom row, l-r) Christian Reed (Jordan Rodrigues), Tara Webster (Xenia Goodwin), AbIgail Armstrong (Dena Kaplan) and Sammy Lieberman (Tom Green) in DANCE ACADEMY on Nickelodeon. Photo: Werner Film Productions

Since arriving at the age of fabulous, what has surprisingly become really important to you and what has surprisingly become something you could care less about?

I hate to sound trite, but what has become shockingly real to me is that life really is short. When you’re young, you think you have all the time in the world. Time to save money, time to repair damaged relationships, time to travel, time to accomplish everything you want to do. But ask anyone over 50. We’ll tell you we have no idea how we got this old so fast.

The time to heal damaged relationships is now. The time to write is today. I didn’t start writing with passion or any conscious goal until I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, ten years ago. Suddenly, I felt a sense of urgency to leave something behind. Now I try to write every day, so someday when I’m dead and gone, my grandkids can say, “Great-Grandma was freakin’ hilarious!”

What has become less important to me are things. I’ve been in the beauty industry, in some capacity, for 30 years, and (big surprise), it tends to be a shallow pool. We’re taught to covet things. Things that tell people “I’m successful. I’m important. I’m beautiful. Look at my house. See my designer clothes. Check out all my expensive accessories. Envy me.” Now I just want to live in an uncluttered, pretty little house, go camping during the summer in our two-person trailer, spend time laughing with the people I love (and who love me back), and write every day. Okay, with one pair of fabulous black boots. Living the dream.

My Review

I happen to be ‘that’ woman who looked in the mirror and wondered how my mother got into my bathroom. That one look in the mirror was all it took to bring on the night sweats and mood changes. That and the fact I am a fan of Vikki’s blog, Laugh Lines I had no doubt I would enjoy her book.

While Who Left The Cork Out Of My Lunch is a really funny book, the topics Vikki writes about are serious.  We women of a fabulous age may have reached a point where we are able to laugh about our long, sometimes frightening and sweaty journey to reaching fabulous status younger women will find Vikki’s words invaluably educational.

Husbands may learn a thing or ten by thumbing through these pages too.

I didn’t just enjoy this, I laughed hysterically through the entire book.

Connect with Vikki here:

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