To React or to Respond…
April 22, 2016 | 
Author For the month of April I am participating in the A-Z Blogging Challenge. You can learn more about the challenge here:
My theme this year is Keep Moving Forward!
To React or To Respond
‘Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? ~Lao Tzu
They say that most of what happens to us in our lives is a direct response to how we have reacted to the stuff that happens to us and those around us.
None of us wants to react badly or wants bad things to happen, I hope.
The secret is to learn not to react. When we pause, breathe, think about the situation and then respond rationally the outcome has a better chance of being positive.
This time of year I can’t help thinking of another ‘R’ word, road rage. Our gut wants us to react by slowing down when someone tailgates us. A safer choice would be to respond by moving over and letting that car pass us by. That choice will ensure you live another day because statistics prove inciting someone who is raging will end with you being injured or killed. I know this for a fact because on April 26, 1999 my brother was beaten to death in a random road rage attack.
The secret to a more mindful life is in training ourselves to stop, breathe and think before reacting poorly. When we learn to pause we almost always respond in a more positive manner.
It isn’t an easy skill to learn, it takes the choice to be mindful and practice.
- Relax when someone is speaking to you. Listen to the entirety of what they are saying before pausing, breathing, thinking and responding.
- Remove yourself from any situation that has a chance to become toxic. Go for a walk or a run. Exercise releases dopamine (a natural feel good chemical) so you will not be able to stop yourself from feeling better.
- Realize that everyone is different and entitled to their own opinion. It is not your job to change the mind of someone you don’t agree with. You are not the idiot whisperer. Take a deep breath and move on.
- Relearn patience by breathing in through your nose to the count of six. Count to six while letting the breath out through your mouth. Practice this throughout your day, before getting a drink, answering the phone, going into a stressful meeting etc…
How do you stop yourself from reacting angrily?
Keep Moving Forward
I love being part of AJ’s A-Z Team! We are watching you!
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I so needed to read this tonight. It’s been a truly diffucult day. Thank you.
I hope you had a much better night and a better day today.
You have no idea how badly I needed to read this tonight. Had a work day from Hell today at a part-time job I recently started. I need to print this out and post it in front of me at all times. Relax-Remove-Realize-Relearn!!!! And repeat over and over.
I hope you have a better night.
Such sage advice. I love all of those R words. It really takes a lot not to just react at times but with work..it’s doable.
I’m still trying to get it right.
The most difficult part for me is the first one: relaxing! I tend to jump the gun and regret (another R) it later. Thank you for the reminder and super R steps to follow!
That one’s hard for me too.
I absolutey love all your “R”s. What a perfect formula for taking that much needed step back and regaining balance!
It’s not easy but so worth the effort.
Hi Doreen your post made me think! I am trying as I get older not to react or respond automatically although it isn’t easy. We just need to take a deep breath as you say before we do anything else. I really enjoyed my first foray into the AtoZ Challenge so look forward to next year. Sue from Sizzling Towards Sixty.
I am getting much better at it, it takes practice 🙂
The A-Z Challenge always reminds me how much I love my blog and my blogging friends! Have a fabulous weekend.
All I can think of as I read this was all the times I didn’t do this and reacted BADLY. Hope I’m getting a little better as I get older! Thanks for reminding me to stop and breathe before reacting!
It is so much easier said than done, but definitely necessary. I remind myself a lot lately to stop and breathe.
b
It does get easier!
It’s funny (or not so funny), but I felt exactly like that yesterday – I won’t burden you with the cirmcumstances, but I was really ready to OVERreact to a situation until I caught myself and calmed down! Wise words Doreen.
Oh no. I hope its all okay now. Hope to see you soon, we need a Neshaminy meeting.
These are all great tips. It’s a scary world when someone can be killed just because someone else is having a “bad day”.
Yes it is.
The 4Rs. Good to remember, Doreen. Thank you.
I am still practicing.
oh wow. i’m so sorry about your brother. sure does wake one up to the reality of how we react or respond to things. 🙁
Thank you Megan. I miss him so much. I am still practicing those R’s!
Wow…how important is this in today’s political climate. Thanks, Doreen. I feel better already!
Keep breathing!
Doreen, I was really interested in this post; we’re of similar minds: I just started one myself about the issue of sudden, eruptive anger.
I think one rtkey o controlling anger is learn that your real target is probably long gone, and not the one in front of you. I rarely get that angry, but when I do, it usually involves some unfinished business that’s still floating around.
I studied sudden, eruptive anger while writing Bristol boyz Stomp. Scary!
Since becoming a student of mindfulness meditation and yoga I try to bring myself back to my breath and not let the little things bother me. As you said, step aside and let them go.
It does improve the quality of our lives.
I’m becoming a big fan of mindfulness – I realized I need to be present and not always worrying or regretting. I love your four “R”s
Thank you Leanne, not always easy but so worth it!
Breathe in , breathe out. It really is easy to react isn’t it ? I think your advice is spot on. Thanks for sharing —we all need to take a step back at times.
Always. Especially when the Uber guy calls us old!
I need to read this five thousand times…
LOL it does take a lot of practice!